This blog is a continuation of last week's blog on Self-Deception or being "In the BOX". I have received feedback from a few of my friends that the blog was "too heavy". To be honest, it was not an easy blog to write. I spent long hours just skimming the contents of the book in order to make it presentable.But nothing can replace a reading of this book "Leadership and Self Deception". I strongly recommend you read it. Luckily for Indians it is available for ~$5, thanks to Tata Mcgrawhill. For completness sake and for those who are curious on how to get out of the box, let my key-board take over ...
Self-betrayal causes people to go into their box and they see the world in a way that self-justifies their image. So how does this affect the work place? Whenever a person starts a job, he comes in, feeling capable and ready to do his best to help the company and his co-workers achieve results. But if one were to interview the same person a year later, his feelings would, usually, be very different. In a zeal to excel, he focuses more on himself than on achieving the results for the company. He views peers and others as threats. He generally doesn't feel that other people's results are as important as his own. People in the box start to withhold information and they try to control others, which provokes resistance and they feel the need to control all the more. So one person in an organisation, by being in the box and failing to focus on results, provokes his colleagues to fail to focus on results as well.Collusion spreads far and wide and the end result is that coworkers position themselves against coworkers and this does not help an organisation succeed.
This leads to the people problems in an organisation like lack of commitment, lack of engagement, lack of motivation, conflict, stress, poor teamwork, back biting/bad attitudes, misalignment, lack of trust, lack of accountability communication problems etc., When you go through all these people problems, you will be surprised that all these existed after they betrayed themselves but NOT before.
So how do we get out of the box ? The first and foremost thing, is to see a person not as an object but see them as they would see themselves, with similar needs and desires. As Bernard Shaw said "Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you". Following this simple but profound philosophy would help you get out of the box. In the example I gave in the last blog, had I looked upon my wife as another person, with needs, hopes and worries as real and legitimate as my own - I would be out of the box.
But to continue to be 'out of the box', one has to get to the reason that caused you to get into the box in the first place. The box is a metaphor for how one is resisting others. In the example I gave in the previous blog to explain the process of self-betrayal, I resisted the suggestion to take the family out for dinner. I resisted the sense of what I should do for my wife, and in resisting that sense, I began to focus on myself and see her as being undeserving of help. The truth is, we change in the moment we cease resisting what is outside our box - others. We can stop betraying ourselves toward them- we can stop resisting them.
The immediate next question that begs an answer is "Does being out of the box means that one should always do everthing for others"? This may seem like a burdensome obligation. In order to stay out of the box, it is critical that we honor what our out-of-the-box sensibility tells us we should do for these people. However- and this important- this doesn't necessarily mean that we end up doing everything we feel would be ideal. For we have our own responsibilities and needs that require attention. This may mean that we can't help others as much as we would like to, or as early as we wish we could. But we do the best we can under the circumstances - and we do that because when we are out of the box, seeing others as people, that's what we want to do.
Next time you see someone overtake you in the traffic and cuts across you;instead of shouting at him and do the same trick he did to you;you can be out of the box and assume that the other driver has some real urgency and let go and forgive him for over taking.
Happy Reading
Ram
